we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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