I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
