I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
