I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
