I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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