My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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