Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
