Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
