Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
