is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize