Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
be right there i have to get my cape
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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