Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
