bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got her a Nickelback box set.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
