apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
