We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
