she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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