Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
