I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
