Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
