So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
