I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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