That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
