Non-Jews are for practice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
