im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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