Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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