took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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