Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
