I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize