I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
