Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
