My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
