walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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