hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
