I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
