A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
