Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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