We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
