So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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