i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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