I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
