someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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