Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
