I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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