32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
