For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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