I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
