sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
