One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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