there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
