I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
