What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
