dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
