drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
