I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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