I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
