Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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