holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
