I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
