Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
