I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
