man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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