so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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