nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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