im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
