Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
