I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
