Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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