It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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