Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
