I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
