Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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