The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let's get the cat blown out
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
