At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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