Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
