Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
