apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
