My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
