May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
