Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
