You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
