you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
