I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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