the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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