So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
