Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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