I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
