no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
